Thursday, August 25
i could build a tower out of steel and stone, but trying to build a bridge to you is something i can't seem to do.i hate myself so much i wrote and deleted an entry 3 times.
let's go on playing make believe, maybe we'll fool more people than just us. misery loves company.
i. miss. chris. i can't bear to drink jasmine tea now. i haven't eaten ruffles in ages. i haven't even studied in about that long. i think i'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms. i must have been addicted to the friend of my heart.
jean. she's so busy these days i wonder if she takes time to breathe. maybe not. 10 years ago we were wide-eyed innocents in primary one. remembering the projects we did. all the bubble-tea drinking during the craze. how we used to wear tshirts and shorts all the time - and now look at us.
jan. another busy person. i find i have nothing to say, because i don't want to change the status quo. ignorance is bliss.
gen. it's been ages since i sat next to her and napped with my head on her shoulder or lap. it's been ages since i teased her and bullied her and wrote poems based on her ideas and drawings. sometimes i'm convinced there's no shoulder more comfortable to lie on than hers. she's never let me down.
bev. the one who was closest to me in terms of freakishness. who understood self-mutilation and suicide tendancies and burning anger. and who at the same time freaked all of us out by touching our hair very slowly and hugging us from behind.
dil. i've never quite forgotten what it was like to sneak upstairs during recess in lowersec and have fries picnics in the classroom after art lessons on wednesdays. sitting in front of her and driving her crazy. plaiting the tiny ends of her already plaited hair. teasing her about 'woting'. i regret allowing the friendship to drift apart a little in uppersec when we sat at different ends of the classroom. how odd it is to look at things this way.
lyne. after she left in sec4, things changed inherently. we don't even speak now. much. at least. if we were to, there would be a gap too big to fill. we've grown apart. once upon a time we were sworn sisters. i wonder, if i tried, if we could get back to that stage. but a part of me doubts it. things are too different now.
ling. one of the hardest friendships i've ever had to upkeep. because we're so vastly different. but for all that i really do appreciate the times she's flown wherever i've needed her, at the eleventh hour, without complaint.
when things break, pick the pieces up and glue them together again. the cracks aren't pretty, but you can turn them into part of the design. and if you cut your fingers on the broken pieces.. well there's always someone to kiss them better.
it must've been love.
9:22 pm
xoxo
